The Beauty of it
by minchedder
Summary: Five years after the finale Monica discovers she's finally pregnant but will everything go according to plan for the parents-to-be? Mondler. Monica's point of view. Please Read and Review! x
1. Naive

**The Beauty of it**

**Authors Note: **Hmmm... So I'm starting a new story, I shouldn't be really, should I? Considering I have not updated Class in like, 6 or 7 months of Angels in ages either...

Anyway, I'd like to say a massive, massive thank you to everyone for your condolences about my cancer, you're all very sweet and kind for doing so, you are such kind people and you're words have been lovely. But, I am better now and I'd prefer not to linger on that because its a tough spot for me... You've all been absolutely amazing and I cannot express enough how much your words have meant to me.

**Disclaimer: **Nope, Friends ain't mine!

**Dedication: **Can you do this? I'll do it anyway- I dedicate this story to my wonderful boyfriend, you've helped me through the hardest time in my life and wouldn't let me give up even when I wanted to. You're amazing and I hope that you and I remain together forever. I love you lots.

**Chapter One: Naive**

**~/~**

I was a rather naive little girl whilst I was growing up I'm afraid to say, my outlook on life was simple and innocent and I seemed to view the world through different eyes to my peers, not in the sense I believed in fairies and magic, but more like I was oblivious to the fact that my life may not be as perfect as I thought it would be. I seemed to live in this bubble of my imagination, where the world was simple and life was easy, where princesses and princes fell in love like Romeo and Juliet, where families were happy constantly and there was nothing I could not conquer. I was a strong believer in true love, thinking I'd meet my husband across a crowded room like in the romance novels I buried my nose in, that we'd fall in love in an instant and become married and have wonderful children like in the films. I thought that life was that simple, you meet someone, fall in love, get married and have children without worries or doubts or drama, that life was really like in the movies.

Of course, as I matured, I realised this wasn't the case and things weren't actually as simple as Shakespeare would have you believe- I began to realise that it was not only my fairytale view of life I had that made me different to others, firstly, I realised my mother did not love me like a mother loves her child, or how I would hope to love my own daughter, compared to Ross, I was nothing and no matter what I did, I wasn't good enough to please her. Not once was she proud of me, well, she never told me if she was and to replace her love I began to turn to food. Eating away like food was love, thinking that eating a cake would sooth the ache of not being looked at like they looked at Ross. It stared some sort of vicious cycle, the more that I ate, the more disappointed she grew and the more disappointed she was, the more I ate and... Well, you get the idea.

Of course, my compulsive eating set me aside from my classmates so I grew up without talking to many people so I did not learn the things most children learn, like kissing and sex and friendship, which ultimately led to my nativity lingering longer than most other children.

Anyway, I digress.

As I was originally saying, I thought that life was really that simple. But, I soon learnt it was not and lets face it- I've had my fair few romantic hiccups through life, haven't I? Well maybe that's an understatement, there aren't many people with my track record with dating is there?

Maybe it was my childhood naivety that made me so willing to fall in love and start a family, maybe it was the fact I so longed to become a mother that I would fall for these guys in the first place because lets face it, you can't make a baby without a dad. I really had a tough time with guys though, thinking so often I'd found 'the one' when really they were all wrong for me. Take Richard for example- I fell flat on my face in love with that man and he was the wrong guy, I see how unaware I was now but at the time, I thought that he was going to be the guy I married and loved forever.

Little did I know that my 'Mr Right' was underneath my nose for all those years. I'm sure you know who I'm talking about, right? None other than my best friend, Chandler Bing... I went from guy to guy and he went from girl to girl when all along the love of my life was sat beside me drinking coffee and laughing alongside me. In a way, it is a fairytale I think, just not a traditional one, is all.

So Chandler was my one true love and both of us thought 'hey, that's it, we're set', we thought we'd get married, have kids and that'd be it. Turns out though, fate was not that kind.

I have something the doctors call and 'inhospitable environment' which basically meant I couldn't have children- Chandler and I were devastated and here's were my naivety comes in again because I never even _considered _that infertility would affect Chandler and I. It was always a term to spice up a soap opera or an emotional episode of Days of Our Lives, it never occurred to me that this actually happens to people and it occurred even less that it could happen to me! I was mortified, I'd wanted children since I was a child, I expected it, I thought that it was simply a part of life and it came hand-in-hand with marriage and adulthood but alas no.

But we worked through it, Chandler and I. And though we shared many tears and talked for many hours, we managed to get through the drama with our relationship unscathed, which I'm grateful for, he means the world to me.

And now we have little Jack and Erica Bing in our lives, two little gems who I would not trade for the world, I try to be that mother I dreamt I'd be as a child, you know the sort, that mother everyone loves and wants as their own? Anyway, I wouldn't trade them for the world, they're my two perfect little angels (I use the term 'angels' loosely though, they're quite the pranksters thanks to Chandler...). And even though I love them with my whole heart and often forget I did not give birth to them, I still wanted a baby that looked like me and Chandler in our lives and secretly Chandler and I both wanted that. Imagining the looks of pleasure on our faces and we celebrated my pregnancy, dancing around and telling our friends, telling Jack and Erica about their new sibling and I'd generally go mad in the typical Monica fashion...

But, I'm reacting much different then I thought. Even after the speculation of me becoming pregnant, I never thought it would happen.

Yet, here I am. Sitting on the toilet seat in my spotless bathroom in the silent house (Chandler took the kids to get food and give me some quiet...) staring at the five positive pregnancy tests and I'm not moving. I'm happy; don't get me wrong but... I am absolutely terrified.

Before the twins came along, which was nearly five years ago believe it or not (time actually flies... they're growing up so fast it's unbelievable) Chandler and I talked to various doctors about options, we were told to go down the adoption route (which I'm so glad we did, I can't imagine not having Erica dancing around or Jack laughing every day) because I'm unlikely to conceive and on the off-chance I did, I may lose the baby at any point and would be putting the pair of us at great risk. And now that I'm pregnant, all those 'danger' and 'high risk' words are bouncing around inside me making me feel sick as a dog.

I don't know what to do? What if something goes wrong and I have to let the twins know they're not going to be big brothers and sisters?

I hear the door clicking closed and the familiar sound of my children running through the house (they run literally everywhere!) and Chandler calls my name.

Its a few seconds before I finally choke out "I'm in the bathroom," I still don't move, as if moving will somehow change things...

Chandler knocks on the door "are you okay?" he asks, his voice concerned slightly.

I grab the pregnancy tests and throw them in the bin underneath the tissue and slowly open the door, Chandler looks at me wide-eyed, he knows I've been crying.

"What's up?" Chandler asks me, touching my arm, I hear Jack and Erica laughing and I sigh.

"Can you send the twins to Ross and Rachel's, we need to talk?" I asked quietly, he nods slowly and frowns.

"Are you sure you're okay?" he says.

"Yeah, I-I just have to talk to you about something," I half-whisper.

"O-okay," Chandler nods before yelling "kids, get you're coats on you're staying with Uncle Ross tonight."

I smile at him slightly and retreat to our bedroom, I know I've scared him and his mind will be doing overtime in the way that only his mind can... I can tell by the look in his eyes he's assuming the worst. But this news is good, right? I mean, we're getting our baby... well, if he or she and I make it. I know there are lots of risks, I could never have an abortion though, no way on hell, I'm not saying people who do are bad people, its just my beliefs, and Chandler's too...

I'm scared and excited, I mean, I'm Monica, the girl who named her kids at fourteen, the girl who babysat since I was old enough and the girl who was naive about the world. But maybe that naivety will come in handy, maybe I can hold on to those childhood dreams and I do this...

Chandler walks into the room and I look at him.

"What's going on, honey, you've got me worried?" he says sweetly, sitting beside me on our large bed.

I take a deep breath "I'm pregnant."

**~/~**

**Authors Note 2: **So what do you think? I've seen and read so many stories where Monica gets pregnant and its all like 'Happy Days' and celebrating but when my mums best friend got pregnant via IVF and was a High-Risk, she barely moved and was frankly terrified and careful all the way through her pregnancy and this where I got the idea for Monica's reaction... If that makes any sense? In my eyes this is the way that Monica would react but what about Chandler? Hmmm...?

Once again, I'm sorry if there are any problems with grammar/spelling problems here... English is not my first language and though I try hard, some little words slip through the net and people are like 'huh?'

Drop me a little review and let me know what you think. Next chapter shouldn't be too far off.


	2. Biology

_Eleven reviews, urm, wow! That's actually amazing... thank you all so much, you're awesome people! (Virtual hugs for everyone...)_

**Shyfighter: **thanks for the review! :)

**Guest: **I love you too!

**NymphadoraTonks-RemusLupin: **Glad you like the story, thank you for reviewing!

**Cynthia Salander: **Arrw, thank you! Yeah, you're right about the 'high-risk' pregnancy thing and I'm glad you like the concept... Hope your sister's pregnancy gets better for her, good luck being an aunt again! :D

**Veridissima: **I'm glad you like this and agree with my idea of her pregnancy, thank you!

**Monica: **Thanks, that's a really nice thing to say but it's true, I'm a foreigner ;)

**Guest (another one): **THANK YOU!

**Kadienewberg: **Thanks a bunch, hope you enjoy this chapter too.

**GabbyGaspard: **Thank you for reviewing!

**Ghee Buttersnaps15: **Love the profile name, made me smile for some reason... anyway, thank you for the lovely review.

**Speak now and be fearless: **I'm glad ya' liked it, thanks for your review.

_SEE, if you review you'll get a little thank you on the next chapter- yes, that is bribery... :)_

_So, I don't really like the end but, what can you do? I hope you like this as much as the other chapter. Oh, oh, and guess what, I gotta little Kitten yesterday- a white little kitty called 'Sapphire' cos she has blue eyes, don't know why I told you that but, eh, she's just so darn cute!_

_And after an essay long authors note I leave you with the fact I don't own friends and I hope you enjoy chapter two. (And breathe)_

**Chapter Two: Biology**

Weather is a funny little thing, don't you think? It's completely unpredictable and totally unreliable and though we try to foresee and calculate it, rarely are we successful in doing so. One moment you can be basking in the wondrous heat of the bright sunshine and the next thing you know you're running towards shelter as the rain begins to fall from the heavens above. It is one of the only things on this planet that we have no control over and has the power to make us change our daily plans, like where we eat our lunch and whether we head to the beach or stay inside... Perhaps that is one reason I don't like the unreliability of it, you see I'm a person who likes to be in control of things. I like to plan a head, know what the day will have in store for me.

Of course I have had to let some of my controlling go as I've gotten older. I think it was since I begun dating Chandler that I began to mellow, actually now I think about it, dating Chandler changed the both of us. Whereas he made me less a serious and sober person, bringing out my sarcastic side, a side that would let me lay back and be myself, Chandler has matured and gotten over his fear of commitment, I guess our traits rubbed off on each other, Chandler now puts everything away correctly (though no where near as obsessively am me) and I find myself quipping jokes at inappropriate times... anyway, when I begun going out with him I relinquished a _tiny_ bit of control to him and he really astonished me with what plans he could come up with, take dancing for instance, as a person who doesn't dance like me, I love (and still love) going with him. And naturally becoming a mother to two little babies made me realise I cannot be in control of _everything, _even I have had to let my cleanliness slide a little.

But that said; I still like a large portion of control over as much as I can and for as long as I can remember I have been the same. I am not afraid to admit that I am a planning fanatic, going to great lengths to make sure that every little thing is perfect (needn't I remind you of Phoebe's wedding!) and nothing annoys me more than things that are out of my control, like the weather, how other people feel... and biology.

To a renowned perfectionist and control freak like me, having your own body and your own biology betray you is dreadfully horrible (not that it's a bed of roses for anyone) and having the inability to do anything about it is even worse. When your body disallows you to have children, it makes you feel terrible, it hurts and both Chandler and I wished for so long that this day would happen and now that it has all I am left with is a niggling feeling something is about to go in the wrong direction.

You know the phrase 'be careful what you wish for', that really springs to mind.

I mean, I love that fact that I'm pregnant and if this is successful I will have another little baby in my life to love and to raise, but that's the whole thing, the big 'if' word that's hanging over this pregnancy.

So now I'm sat on the bed in our Westchester home with my head bowed slightly, having just told my husband that we're having a baby that may not even make it to birth. Seconds have passed though it feels like years and I close my eyes as imminent tears prickle my eyes. Moments later I feel the warmth of Chandler's hands against my cheeks and his lips capturing mine in a short little kiss, my eyes flutter open at the feel of his lips against mine. I look into my husbands eyes, as I have done so often, and see the beginnings of tears twinkling in those wonderful blue eyes- if our child makes it, I hope he or she make has his eyes, they're gorgeous, like dazzling blue diamonds.

"Are you sure?" he asks me, his voice so calm and gentle compared to my emotions at the moment.

I nod slowly and see a small smile on his lips, he cocks his head slightly "are you not happy?" he asks.

"No, I am," I assure him quickly "but I'm scared," I admit, his expression softens and I see his emotions change in his eyes, I know he's starting to remember when he and I went to all those horrible appointments where scary words such as 'high risk' and 'baby may not make it full term' and 'great risk to mother' were used a lot, he silently pulls me into a gentle, warm and loving hug.

"Oh Mon," he sighs "I'm sure everything will be fine," he tried to comfort me.

"But it might not be," I argue miserably, leaning my head against him.

"Okay, here's what we're going to do," he says "first thing tomorrow we'll get both of you checked out at the doctors."

I nod slightly and sniff, resting my chin on his shoulders, his arms drape around my waist.

"What if something goes wrong, Chandler?" I ask quietly.

"Then we'll deal with it," he whispered, a sincere tone in his voice "just like we did adoption and moving house, we get through it."

This is true, we do get through everything but I have a feeling this is too big, this could involve a miscarriage, or premature birth, or my health deteriorating or... anything could go wrong, I couldn't deal with losing a baby.

"I just- I don't want things to go wrong."

"But things could go right," he says "and then we'll have a little baby again."

I pull back from his hug and sigh "things could go well," I confirm quietly, choosing to attempt and follow his optimistic approach instead my pessimistic mood.

"I can see it all now," Chandler said "you with a large belly, Jack asking all those unanswerable questions and Erica telling you she wants a sister, not a brother."

I smile and lay back against the pillows, another silence settles between us and I snake my arms around him, both of us are silently pleading with the lord above that my pregnancy will not be the nightmare it is doomed to be, I feel his hand touching my stomach through my t-shirt and I inhale sharply, the love between my unborn baby and my husband is bitterly sweet, for a man who claims to be bad at parenting and commitment, he's reacting very calmly to a rather big situation, but like I said earlier, he's grown up an awful lot.

If someone had told me all those years ago that I would marry Chandler, adopt twins and then have a baby, I probably would have claimed they were insane- that makes me sad actually, how much I was set against not being with him (remember the famous beach trip, the one with those jellyfish?), I don't know what I would have done without him in my life now, he was always important to me, but before London I never really pictured a relationship involving the pair of us, although in our younger college days we made out a few time when we were drunk and partying... Chandler doesn't seem to mind that it took us so long to get together, he says that all the heartbreak we had made us appreciate our feelings more and all those years of friendship we shared helped Chandler to trust me... I guess he's right. Anyway, as I was saying, me and Chandler, who would have thought it?

He was always so scared of weddings, parenthood and any other commitment words you can think of, but now look at him, a wonderful husband (and lover) to me, a fantastic father to Jack and Erica and a concerned and caring father-to-be of our unborn child.

"When do you want to tell everyone?" Chandler asked after a while, his fingers laced with mine over my stomach.

"Not yet," I whisper "I don't want them to get all excited and then have the baby..." I trail off, not finishing my sentence, Chandler nods in understanding and I turn to face him "I really want this to go right, I'm really scared" I say.

"Me too," he agrees quietly "but do you really think people will buy your 'I'm getting fat again' excuse?" he asked, I chuckled lightly and gave him a playful glare, glad for the small relief from my otherwise negative thoughts.

"We'll just wait until we know exactly what is happening," I explain and he nods knowingly "and I haven't started to show yet to quit with the fat jokes," I add and he smiles.

"You're not fat," Chandler said in a slightly more serious tone, knowing how insecure I am about that "do you know how far along you are anyway?" he asks.

"I think I'm about six weeks," I tell him, watching curiously as he smiles.

"Six weeks ago was our anniversary," he grins "so this pregnancy has got to go well because it was conceived on a very special day."

"I don't think biology works that way," I laugh slightly "but it's a sweet point," I add.

"I love you," Chandler said "and I can't wait for our family to get bigger."

"Me either," I reply quietly. I just hope it _will_ get bigger.

_See what I mean about the end... just, meh... Anyhoo, next chapter is practically planned out and should be posted soon but then they'll be another loooooooong break before I update because, well, life is slowly getting back to normal for me (plus, I've never been pregnant so I'm researching a little...)_

_Review m'dears. (See, you have to review now, I said 'm'dears'...), thanks for reading._


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